if you are reading this,
you are meant to be here.

Like many, I found myself in a relationship that never fully settled. It was a constant push and pull. Close, then distant. Warm, then gone.

And over time, the whole relationship began to chip away at my self-worth. Not just one moment — the entire dynamic slowly pulled me into my deepest insecurities.

Then I got sick.

I had malaria, and it turned into a near-death experience. My body was weak, and there were moments where I didn't feel fully here — like I was drifting in and out of myself. It was one of the most vulnerable states I've ever been in.

And that's when he showed up again. The same person I had been in that cycle with — but this time, it felt different.

He was sitting beside me, holding my hand, telling me stories. He stayed. He was present. He saw me in my most vulnerable state — on the brink of death, where I needed support the most.

And then he vanished. Not the usual distance. Not the push and pull. This time… without a trace. No explanation. No return. Just silence.

That's what broke something in me. The person I had opened my heart to — confided in — left me when I needed him most. It wasn't about the relationship anymore. It was about something deeper, something human.

Where was his humanity?

What I began to understand is that I had been caught in a deeper loop. In Buddhism, there's the concept of Preta — the "hungry ghost." A state of constant craving. Always reaching. Never quite full.

That's what the relationship felt like. No matter how close we got, something was always missing. No matter how much was given, it never fully landed. And when he disappeared — that feeling didn't go away. It intensified.

There are studies showing that babies who are fed and physically cared for — but don't receive attention or connection — stop thriving. Not because they weren't given food. But because they weren't held.

That's how deep this goes. But I must say, I believe this goes deeper — it is not just psychology, it is spiritual warfare. So when someone meets you in that level of vulnerability and then disappears, your system doesn't just register loss. It keeps reaching. It takes you into a state of deep dissatisfaction.

For a while, that's exactly how it felt. Like something in me was searching for what had gone. Trying to return to it. Trying to complete it.

But being that close to losing my life changed me. It made everything clear. This wasn't about chasing someone. It was about understanding the loop — and learning how to step out of it.

So I did.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."— Marcel Proust

In my darkness, I was able to pull together tools from different philosophies and techniques to cultivate the energy needed to change my timeline.

Those same tools carried me out of the emotional pits of hell and into emotional heaven.

I will teach you.

I am here to support you and teach you how to see yourself and this situation from a different lens. You are not alone. We will get through this together.